Saturday, November 29, 2003
Well this is my second blog. I'm getting the feeling I'm way behind when it comes to "Blogs". I learned about it just yesterday, I've seen other people's bigger and better blog pages, and it seems I have much to learn.
Well I want to make this short! I'm waisting my day here on the computer doing stupid alt.binaries downloads when I should be in the other room helping put up the Christmas Tree! >:-( It's just that I'm buying a new computer and it's costing a fortune, and I need to download some demos to test out my pc's raw power when it eventually gets up and running. And saturdays are meant for waisting...
Well, last night I stayed at my friend, Tonya's. We gave each other back rubs, we got a closer. Big deal you say? Well I'm taking this very seriously, she's not just any girl. I think of her as very special. So it is a big step. I'm (FINALLY) slowly showing my interest towards her and I think she's reading it.
So I should go. I still don't know how to find my blogs or how to make a calendar or whatever.. I dunno.. blogs.. what the heck is blog.. already it's day 2 and the word is irritating me! :-/
Peace, I'm outta here.
Well I want to make this short! I'm waisting my day here on the computer doing stupid alt.binaries downloads when I should be in the other room helping put up the Christmas Tree! >:-( It's just that I'm buying a new computer and it's costing a fortune, and I need to download some demos to test out my pc's raw power when it eventually gets up and running. And saturdays are meant for waisting...
Well, last night I stayed at my friend, Tonya's. We gave each other back rubs, we got a closer. Big deal you say? Well I'm taking this very seriously, she's not just any girl. I think of her as very special. So it is a big step. I'm (FINALLY) slowly showing my interest towards her and I think she's reading it.
So I should go. I still don't know how to find my blogs or how to make a calendar or whatever.. I dunno.. blogs.. what the heck is blog.. already it's day 2 and the word is irritating me! :-/
Peace, I'm outta here.
Friday, November 28, 2003
This is my first "Blog" post. Interesting concept I must say. Well, in my life away from the computer monitor I like to write out my journal entries in series of journal books. Here, on the web, things are different 'cause you never really know who's going to be reading. Hopefully the Blogger service will be around for some time so that my future self will have the opportunity to read over these thoughts of mine.
Well, today is a Friday. I've been busy most every day this week. I'm pretty spent, so I've decided to make this weekend into a long one. Total relaxation for me! Oh yes! I'm starting now by listening to classical music on my iTunes radio station. Upbeat baroque orchestral music; what a great way to start the day!
So why I have I been busy? Well, things all started last Friday for me. I was stressing out about a blind date I was being set up on. I normally wouldn't build up so many expectations for an activity that's doomed for failure from the get-go. However, I was getting high approval ratings over this girl by my family; to the point that they were dangling little wedding bells over my head just to tease me! Well, the date in itself went fine and the conversation was comfortable and interesting. But I just wasn't feeling anything special. So after the date was done, I'd basically made my mind up. I really wanted to give this a second chance, though, because my family saw something that I felt maybe I wasn't. This time, however, I wanted to see how she was in a group setting with friends. So that's what I did. We all went to a hockey game. It was then I had finally made my mind up because, not to disrespect her, but I just wasn't impressed under this different shade of light.
From this experience I managed to find something in my heart which I never really knew existed. I've been best friends with this girl I've known for a while. She's an amazing friend. I mean, I don't want to go on and on about her too much, but I'll just sum it up at that FOR NOW. I've never really looked at her in a "more than friends" view because she's 7 years younger than I am, and she's the pastor's daughter, and I just have a pure respect for her. But I'm feeling now that, even though the age gap exists in numbers, at an intellectual and emotional level there really isn't a huge gap. At 25, I'm experienced by past relationships, but that doesn't define me and how I treat other girls. Well, I'll get down to things. Tonya has clearly had a thing for me for quite a long time now. I think she sees my good heart, my values and beliefs, my maturity and compares it to the teenaged immaturity she sees at school or in the church's youth. It's not easy being close friends to a person that has feelings for you and your own aren't mutual - in the romantic kind of way. But after having this blind date, everything was more of an eye opener. It made me think, "wait, why are you resorting to desperate measures when look at what you have right infront of." I realized I have a best friend; a person that doesn't necessarily hold my faults against me; doesn't judge my faults; she sees the core of human nature and excepts me for what I am; she doesn't compare me to societ's pretentious, unrealistic and fake standards. When I see all of these things on top of her many outstanding qualities, I see what a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity this actually is and how I need to confront her with my feelings now or never. I think the timing is right also from her perspective. She's grown so much, maturely speaking, in an effort, partly I think, to get my attention. I knew her first as girl. Now I'm seeing her as a strong woman that's preparing to be a wife and nurturing mother (Her current job is looking after kids - nanny).
All of these revalations are coming to me now after three years of bitterness towards woman, three years after coming out of a bitter break-up with a former fiance. I never imagined I'd be in this position ever again, which makes me so confident God's perfect timing I commonly hear about is happening in my life now.
I had a job interview yesterday with a Graphic Design Firm - a Firm located very close to my home. I was interviewed last year by them, but didn't get the job because I still fresh out of school. I think I made a better impact on them this time around. I've been unemployed now in this dry market of visual communications (that's northern ontario for ya!) for a year now and I'm becoming quite disheartened at my dilema. While I have ideas on how to act and better my situation, I'm still waiting to hear God's advice, in his time, because I'm worried about taking the wrong the turn and ending up elsewhere from His will.
Well, today is cloudy, yet again. The fall of 2003 will always remain in my mind as the season of grey. I've seen the sun a few days since September. I feel like I'm bound between the pages of some Tolkien novel like those described regarding Middle Earth.
Well, as for myself, I am no writter. But I hope I manage to find this one day in the future to read and enjoy. Even if one other human being out there runs across it and find it interesting, then my 30 minutes will have been justly spent.
Bye for now!
Well, today is a Friday. I've been busy most every day this week. I'm pretty spent, so I've decided to make this weekend into a long one. Total relaxation for me! Oh yes! I'm starting now by listening to classical music on my iTunes radio station. Upbeat baroque orchestral music; what a great way to start the day!
So why I have I been busy? Well, things all started last Friday for me. I was stressing out about a blind date I was being set up on. I normally wouldn't build up so many expectations for an activity that's doomed for failure from the get-go. However, I was getting high approval ratings over this girl by my family; to the point that they were dangling little wedding bells over my head just to tease me! Well, the date in itself went fine and the conversation was comfortable and interesting. But I just wasn't feeling anything special. So after the date was done, I'd basically made my mind up. I really wanted to give this a second chance, though, because my family saw something that I felt maybe I wasn't. This time, however, I wanted to see how she was in a group setting with friends. So that's what I did. We all went to a hockey game. It was then I had finally made my mind up because, not to disrespect her, but I just wasn't impressed under this different shade of light.
From this experience I managed to find something in my heart which I never really knew existed. I've been best friends with this girl I've known for a while. She's an amazing friend. I mean, I don't want to go on and on about her too much, but I'll just sum it up at that FOR NOW. I've never really looked at her in a "more than friends" view because she's 7 years younger than I am, and she's the pastor's daughter, and I just have a pure respect for her. But I'm feeling now that, even though the age gap exists in numbers, at an intellectual and emotional level there really isn't a huge gap. At 25, I'm experienced by past relationships, but that doesn't define me and how I treat other girls. Well, I'll get down to things. Tonya has clearly had a thing for me for quite a long time now. I think she sees my good heart, my values and beliefs, my maturity and compares it to the teenaged immaturity she sees at school or in the church's youth. It's not easy being close friends to a person that has feelings for you and your own aren't mutual - in the romantic kind of way. But after having this blind date, everything was more of an eye opener. It made me think, "wait, why are you resorting to desperate measures when look at what you have right infront of." I realized I have a best friend; a person that doesn't necessarily hold my faults against me; doesn't judge my faults; she sees the core of human nature and excepts me for what I am; she doesn't compare me to societ's pretentious, unrealistic and fake standards. When I see all of these things on top of her many outstanding qualities, I see what a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity this actually is and how I need to confront her with my feelings now or never. I think the timing is right also from her perspective. She's grown so much, maturely speaking, in an effort, partly I think, to get my attention. I knew her first as girl. Now I'm seeing her as a strong woman that's preparing to be a wife and nurturing mother (Her current job is looking after kids - nanny).
All of these revalations are coming to me now after three years of bitterness towards woman, three years after coming out of a bitter break-up with a former fiance. I never imagined I'd be in this position ever again, which makes me so confident God's perfect timing I commonly hear about is happening in my life now.
I had a job interview yesterday with a Graphic Design Firm - a Firm located very close to my home. I was interviewed last year by them, but didn't get the job because I still fresh out of school. I think I made a better impact on them this time around. I've been unemployed now in this dry market of visual communications (that's northern ontario for ya!) for a year now and I'm becoming quite disheartened at my dilema. While I have ideas on how to act and better my situation, I'm still waiting to hear God's advice, in his time, because I'm worried about taking the wrong the turn and ending up elsewhere from His will.
Well, today is cloudy, yet again. The fall of 2003 will always remain in my mind as the season of grey. I've seen the sun a few days since September. I feel like I'm bound between the pages of some Tolkien novel like those described regarding Middle Earth.
Well, as for myself, I am no writter. But I hope I manage to find this one day in the future to read and enjoy. Even if one other human being out there runs across it and find it interesting, then my 30 minutes will have been justly spent.
Bye for now!
